Issue 23

The Trials of Life and The Marathon

How Reed Fischer navigated life’s toughest moments to find new meaning in running to honor himself and those he loves.

The marathon is one of the most universal and participated-in events in our sport, melding together a tight-knit community of runners from hobby joggers to the world’s most elite athletes. As Reed Fischer describes, "It’s fun to show up to a marathon weekend and see everyone from first place finisher to last place finisher accomplish something pretty unique to the human experience." A great marathon takes months of preparation, requiring consistent hard work and sacrifice. But when the gun goes off, things can happen that are out of your control. For Reed, this lesson was learned in many ways through running and through life, from his very first marathon in 2020 to when his wife Christine was diagnosed with Stage 4 metastatic breast cancer in 2023. Through the trials of the marathon and personal hardship, Reed found a renewed sense of purpose and gratitude in what he does. His story highlights resilience and strength, and frames a new perspective on how we can use running to become the best versions of ourselves.

At the 2020 US Olympic Marathon Trials in Atlanta, Reed toed the line with the hunger to prove himself. Though it would be his first time racing the 26.2 mile distance, he showed up with big goals. He was fresh off a great performance at the Houston Half Marathon and had just signed his first professional contract with adidas. He believed he was ready to compete with the best and make a statement as a newcomer to the US marathon scene. 

Pretty early into the race, things didn't go to plan. Falling twice in the first 10K, and running the last 20 miles with a gash on his forehead and blood dripping down his face, Reed's dreams of an impressive marathon debut slipped away. He finished far from his goal, placing 97th with a time of 2 hours and 24 minutes.  

In the long 20 miles after his falls, Reed was stuck playing a mental game of whether or not he should keep going. But standing on the side of the course that day were Reed's family and then-girlfriend, Christine. Each time he was on the edge of dropping out, he would round the corner of the looped course and see all his loved ones, cheering at the top of their lungs and waving their homemade signs. No matter how badly Reed wanted to drop out, seeing the unconditional support he had made it impossible to do so. "It’s really hard to let that self-pity become overwhelming when you see how much love you have," Reed said. "I wouldn’t have finished, for sure, if my family and Christine had not been out there."

In the face something he couldn't control, Reed found strength in racing for those he loved. But this part of him would soon be tested in ways much more significant than running a marathon. In early 2023, Reed's wife Christine would receive an unthinkable diagnosis—Stage 4 metastatic breast cancer—causing Reed to question his identity and career in running altogether.  

In many ways, running is a form of self-expression. When you run, you show a piece of who you are, what you're passionate about, and what your goals are. Running is also a great way to relieve stress or let out emotion. But for a long period after Christine’s diagnosis, Reed couldn't get anything positive out of running. Going out for a run was a burden that led to emotional spiraling and minor panic attacks. He said there were many occasions where he would attempt as little as a three mile run, then get one mile in and have to stop and walk home. He recalled, "It was the first time in my life running hadn't been that outlet, and that feeling of self exploration and self-affirmation. All of a sudden, it felt like this thing that was unavailable to me because it was so tied to emotion." Running was an integral part of his identity, and to an extent, something he had built his life around. But in the wake of Christine’s diagnosis and treatment, he began to associate running with selfishness. It was hard to justify the time and energy it took to pursue running when ultimately it was valuable time and energy he could instead be spending with Christine. 

Reed struggled to find the purpose that running had once brought to him. As he put it, "When you have something like this, it really just makes you question who you are, what you're doing with your life and why you're doing that, and if it’s something that still brings value and meaning to your existence." With uncertainty around the role of running in his life, Reed found it hard to envision what the rest of his career could, or even would, look like. He poured himself into being the best caretaker he could for his wife, but sunk deeper into a space of doubt. He explained, "It can be really easy to lose yourself as you work so hard to support the person who's been diagnosed, and you just want to be there and do everything you can to help them through it and take as much of their pain away as possible." Things continued this way for a while after the diagnosis, with running sidelined. But then, Reed had a conversation that turned things around.

Reed’s agent, Josh Cox, reached out to see if he would be interested in running the United Airlines NYC Half in March. ‘It doesn’t matter what shape you're in,’ he told Reed, ‘They just would love to have you there and be able to support you and Christine.’ Given how things had been with running lately, Reed was hesitant, and it was Christine who encouraged him to say yes. She assured him that she understood how crucial this was for his wellbeing and didn't want him to lose it because of what they were going through. In essence, she said, “You have to do this. It's who you are”.

Christine's affirmation lifted a weight from Reed's shoulders that he had unknowingly put on himself—that feeling of associating running with selfishness—and slowly, he started to enjoy running once again. "Hearing that from her just gave me this new perspective on it", said Reed, "It was like, ‘oh yeah, if I don't take care of me, how am I supposed to take care of her?’". In order to be as supportive of a husband as possible, Reed needed to be the best version of himself—the person that Christine fell in love with. Finding joy and restoration through running was a huge part in becoming that person again.

After a few weeks of solid training, Reed was back on the starting line in NYC. He carried some uncertainty about what would unfold. "I didn't know if I was going to have the emotional bandwidth to go to that deep, dark, paincave place or if I was just going to be so resistant to it because there was so much hurt in my personal life", he remarked. But on the whole, Reed saw the race as an opportunity rather than an obligation. He told himself, "At the very least, this is a chance for you to highlight the fact that you're still out here doing this in the face of something really really difficult. You can use that to bring some awareness to what Christine's going through and the person that she is." He ended up with a great result, staying competitive with the front pack and clinching an 8th place finish. Reed Fischer was back in the game.

Things continued on a more positive trajectory for both of the Fischers. Christine was undergoing successful treatments, and Reed had a better outlook on using running to uphold the best version of himself for her. But as 2023 drew to a close, thoughts of the upcoming Olympic Marathon Trials began casting a shadow over Reed’s mindset once again. He admitted, "At times the diagnosis has helped me to dig to a deeper place than I ever thought I could as an athlete, and at times it's been like this weight on my shoulders that makes me feel an extra layer of pressure to do something really positive in the face of so much negativity and darkness in our life." In terms of the Olympics, he said, "I kind of put this self-imposed pressure on myself thinking that what Christine deserved, or what my family needed, or what I needed, was for me to become an Olympian after the year we had." An honest conversation with Christine at the start of 2024 helped ease these thoughts from Reed’s mind, as he soon realized, "I just needed to start doing the right things for the right reasons and make peace with whatever happened after that."

At the 2024 Olympic Marathon Trials in February, Reed toed the line with the same hunger to prove himself as he had back in 2020. But everything else—his mindset, experience, and purpose—had changed significantly. He ran from a place of pure contentment and appreciation for running and life. Staying rooted in this redefined purpose allowed him to push himself to a new level, ending up 9th in a stellar field. Reflecting on the race, Reed shared, “That was the hardest I’ve ever been able to dig in any race, full stop. So much of that was because I knew who, what, and why I was running for.” Reed remembered crossing the finish line as being one of the most relieving and fulfilling moments of his life, but not because of the top 10 finish. Rather, he was proud of accomplishing something that expressed his overwhelming gratitude to Christine, their family, and their friends. He explained, “Up to this point in my life, that was the biggest ‘thank you’ I could’ve given to Christine and everyone who’s been in our corner for the last year…to go out and feel like I’d left nothing on the table.”

As Reed has resumed his pursuit of becoming one of the best marathoners in the US, and making World and Olympic teams, he now approaches these goals with a renewed perspective. The definition of success in Reed's eyes means something entirely independent of whether or not those outcomes are achieved. In his words, "One of my biggest goals in my career is to feel like I've made an impact…If I can finish my marathon and running career feeling like I've accomplished a good amount of things on both the performance and community side of things, that's a career I'll be really proud of."

For her part, Christine has been thriving since finishing chemotherapy and radiation last May. Her recent PET scans have shown no evidence of metastatic disease and she plans to make her own marathon debut this fall at the TCS New York City Marathon—just 18 months after her diagnosis.

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